I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
He told me"I think your ready for this" and went into his closet whipped out a movie certiffied light saber.
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
