i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
