If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I really should have gone with the man who kept offering me cocaine. Why did I chose the German!? STUPID!
don't worry about my dad. he just hates you because you're liberal, not because we're fucking.
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
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