if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I kept having to give myself encouraging advice like, "you know how a path works"
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Randomize
