fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
You might call them booze related cuts, I call it "partying so hard you sweat blood"
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
And then I remembered we banged to Beethoven & I was like you will never get this ass again
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Randomize
