I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
We are all done wearing pants today
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
