I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
Randomize
