I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Randomize