I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Randomize
