he smells like the inside of heather mills' fake leg
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Drunk is a universal language darling
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
But once you are just right and I work my tongue in the right spots and hot wax your balls and inner thighs. I will have you right where I want you.
Who is this?
Oops wrong number
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
