the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
Randomize
