Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
I would give away a ton of these clothes but I doubt there are any homeless people who dress as slutty as me
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
Beer and cheesecake and spinning in cirlcles why did you let me do this to myself
You don't have anything to lose--we've established that he's not going to murder you and he smells good.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
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