she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
When your grandma invites you to a sweet girls' Valentine's dinner with your mom and sister, but you have to decline because you're trying to get two dudes to rail you at once...
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
