Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
The manager of the bar we were at the night before came to my house today giving me coupons. Apperently you and i won karaoke night which is a prize of 300 beer dollars. No idea what beer dollars means nor do i have any memory of doing karaoke but lets go back tonight.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
On another note, I feel like my vagina is slowly being peeled off with a rusty potato peeler.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Randomize
