I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
Like really my mothers day gift is a pic of his dick
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
She is the absolute last thing I would want to screw. Honestly. Fellating a porcupine. Higher on the list.
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Randomize
