I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
I hate it when fuck holes buy me drinks at the bar. You don't know my order. You don't know me. You don't know where I've been. You don't know my life.
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
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