Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
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