I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
If you want it you better put a ring on it. And by ring I mean one of my three favorite pies.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
