just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I'm having shoppers remorse over a dildo
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Randomize
