i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
I've fucked him twice and literally had no idea that he's missing a thumb
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
