they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I'm taking the day off so I can get drunk at Whole Foods before noon
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
