Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
Halloween has nothing on dressing up as as the INS on cinco de mayo
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
never underestimate the power of walking into a bar alone in uv cat makeup.. took home a seven foot man
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
