3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Never in my life have I been so excited to nap as I am right now.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
God, I missed his penis.
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