She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
