I'm pants shitting drunk right now
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
