i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
i'm in workout clothes. this is progress.
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Cops said there's a crazy dude with a mask in my neighborhood. Don't get stabbed.
If he was naked that was me.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
