I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
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