This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
