I don't usually arrange sex via text message
508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
so we started it doggy style, but since we were really drunk kinda fell to the side and turned into a 'lazy dog'... my new favorite position btw
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
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