Dude, I woke up in the kitchen, naked, with a blueberry bagel as a pillow.
Can I eat your pillow?
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
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