I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
im pretty sure you tried to fart so bad you accidently pissed your pants at my party.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Randomize
