Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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