Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
I just went to pick up my pigeon from your house. You should be getting a picture soon
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
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