Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I woke up with chocolate melted between my tits. I'd say that's a win for all parties involved.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
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