Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
When I woke up this morning I swear my mouth tasted like dick and rolaids.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
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