It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
