whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
I swear this guy grew up in land without leagues. someone should inform him he's way out of mine
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
Randomize
