so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I FOUND THE LEGS
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
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