Who did Billy Mays play for?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
THERE IS A VIDEO OF DMX SINGING RUDOLPH THE RED NOSE REINDEER
I'm officially in the Christmas spirit
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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