Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
How was that girls surprise party last night?
Got absolutely destroyed tried to put somebody's leather jacket on and make out with their mother. You know.. the norm
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