She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
He's drinking red wine in a margarita glass. He couldn't be more perfect for me.
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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