dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
Randomize
