the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
ill find time for any girl whos not afraid to grab my junk in front of 100 people
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
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