my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
Someone signed my nipple.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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