There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I'm really starting to miss his dick. Like so much I'm actually tempted to try and work things out with him again.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
She asked me to come on her OkCupid date with her
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
