Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
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