..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
