I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
I pour the whiskey from now on
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos?
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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