even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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