When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
took 5 apple pie shots. caution: flames. not digestable.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
Well if my looks don't work with her I'll eat the 50 nuggets to impress her fat roommate.
We need to reprogram your vagina to say "no"
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize
