i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
