At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
We were cuddling in his bed and I asked him a question and followed by making a microphone with my hand and told him to speak into it. If he never talks to me again that's probably why.
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Randomize
