how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
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Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
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Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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