I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
Looking back on this weekend, I'm most grateful I never brought up with word "toe-fucking" at the bachelorette party.
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
You know how I know last night was a good night? Because I remember high fiving a couple WHILE they were having sex.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
