Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
Her craziness is the sexiest thing about her.
I can't wait to read your obituary.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I honestly just wanna put my face in her tits and disappear from this plane of existence
Randomize
