i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I couldnt face her after that wonderful, terrible blowjob. Made a rope out of towels and climbed out her bathroom window.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
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