STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
