smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I owe a guy a shoe because I threw it over a fence. That is all.
Why do I even exist?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
My butt remains clenched, sir.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
