How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
someone left their shoes, a resume, and a pizza in the shower... i am actually speechless
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I thought of you while cleaning the forehead prints off my glass doors.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
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