seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
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Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
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