I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
Played "Which Couple Will Take Me Home Tonight" at the bar last night... I can now cross three-some off my bucket list
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
The Adderall says yes, but my body says no.
Randomize
