this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
he congratulated me on my ability to grow long hair after pulling it to see if i had extensions
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
I was so horny last night, I failed to let him know about my current bed bug infestation.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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