the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
ur not supposed to find someone to make out with when ur bf takes u to his SISTERS house to hang out with her and her husband
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
Randomize
