just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Sacagawea was the original milf.
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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